thoughts of a student pastor

This picture was taken when my wife Corrie and I were 15 (though obviously we weren’t married yet ). At that point we had known each other for about 2 years, and our friendship was a lot of fun. A few months after this picture we would date for a little less than 4 months. Before and after that short tryst we both dated other people…all the while, remaining friends.

In college our friendship grew. I confided in my roommate that I really liked her a lot, but was afraid we were now in what Joey and Ross referred to as the “friend-zone”. Her mom badgered her about why she didn’t just date me. Her reply was always, “He’s just my friend.” My mom didn’t believe us.

I got a job working at a church as a part-time youth pastor and my friend Corrie helped me connect with the girls. Our heart for ministry and the increased amounts of time spent together only deepened our bond. In January ’03 my pastor called for a Solemn Assembly of 40 days for prayer and fasting. Both Corrie and I, unbeknownst to the other, participated in the fasting component. Neither of us were asking God for a mate, we were asking Him for clarity about the future, a sense of purpose in life, and a growing relationship with Him. The 40 days ended on a Friday…we went on our first date the following Saturday night.

On Tuesday I called my mom and told her I needed help finding a ring. A few weeks later I went to a youth conference in Nashville, TN. I had a couple of rings shipped to the hotel from a jeweler/family friend. I picked the one I liked and sent them back to have it sized. Then I talked to Corrie’s mom and received her blessing.

9 years after meeting her, but only 6 weeks after dating her, I asked Corrie to marry me on a Wednesday night in a youth service in front of the students we had been ministering too, together. I told her that night, “this place seems fitting to start our life together, because ministry is what we are committing our lives too, together.” It didn’t have the Hollywood effect of roses and candlelight, but it had a certain understated quality that fit our lives pretty well. She said yes, by the way.

A few months later I accepted my first full-time ministry position and moved to Mobile, AL…alone…but only for a short time. 7 weeks later Corrie and I stood in her home church to pledge our love for one another.

6 years later, we have added 3 little boys to our family:

…and oh how that has made life fun.

I don’t know what the future holds, but if the last 6 years are any indication it’s going to be an unbelievable ride! I’m so happy this little girl

said yes to this little boy little Jeremy

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December 14, 2009 Permalink

3 Comments »

James wrote @ December 14th, 2009 at 11:44 am

So there’s the whole story! I don’t remember you saying that you proposed in a youth service. You’re right, it’s quite fitting.

I particularly enjoyed the fact that you were both friends for many years before getting married. I’ve heard that’s the best way to go about ‘dating.’

Oh, and the short engagement, that doesn’t appear to be a bad idea in my mind either. Probably easier on both of you in light of 1 Corinthians 7:9. hehe…

Looking back, what do you wish you would have done different? How old were you when you got married?

I know for me, one big question is what if the girl I meet isn’t in the same grade as me. I always said I would wait until after college to get married, but suppose we are 2-3 years apart. How does that work out? So I’m curious, how far were you and Corrie in school when you got married?

And the million dollar question: what are you doing to stay together for many, many years to come? =)

jeremy wrote @ December 14th, 2009 at 4:22 pm

James,

Being friends first definitely helps our marriage. Obviously, we know a lot about each other’s history, pre-us as a couple, which helps provide context, good and bad

The 1 Corinthians 7:9 reference is funny, and usually appropriate. When I was engaged a youth pastor friend of mine, as a means of encouragement I guess, said “when we were engaged we never broke any rules…we bent a few, but never broke them.” I thought that was funny.

Looking back, I wish I wouldn’t have dated some of the people I dated. Corrie has said the same thing. It’s not that any of them were bad people, I just wish I would have had that time to focus on me and my relationship with God, have fun in school, focus on school, etc. I think that would have had me better prepared when I entered into my relationship with Corrie. Does that even make sense?

We were both 22 when we got married, but I was 1 year ahead of Corrie in school. I don’t think the grade thing is that big a deal. I think you set your priorities. If graduating from college is at the top of that list great. Now the challenge is, if you meet someone and feel the time is right for marriage before you graduate, does marrying them now make graduating less likely to happen. I will tell you, for us it was tougher. I needed to get a job to support our family, and ministry opportunities opened up so we left school. I’m finishing up just now (I graduate in July, Lord willing).

Staying together is the goal. I joke that we want to celebrate a 100th anniversary one day. We try to model what other couples we look up to are doing. The common thread seems to be honesty and transparency, seeing the best in each other as opposed to assuming the worst, and holding on to what you fell in love with in the first place. It doesn’t mean my love for her doesn’t change and grow, because it does, but what was I attracted too in the first place? What made her unique? Those are the things that I need to continue to enjoy, as opposed to letting them become common place and ignoring them. We try to date each other regularly (though that is harder right now with the 3 little ones). It keeps things fun!

Thanks for the comment!

Kim wrote @ January 8th, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for sharing your story. It made my heart smile this morning when I happened on you blog looking for your email . You two are special gifts to Mt. Paran Student Ministries!